He's a climber
When a certain someone is supposed to be taking a nap in his crib on a rainy afternoon, it's rather confusing to hear little feet padding across his floor above then his door knob turn and the door open. Saturday was Will's second day of nap refusal and he punctuated this decision by learning a new, daring skill. I feel like life as I have known it is over. I didn't realize how highly I treasure that afternoon block of time to do whatever. It usually ends up being the dishes and laundry and maybe a chapter in a book, sometimes a nap. It's not just the time for me, but when he doesn't nap, he's a real pill by evening and supper usualy ends up being a battle with him dissolving into a fit about something. Sunday Will finally napped again, but then climbed out of his crib when he woke up. This morning he climbed out at 6am when he decided it was time for everyone to get up. He's napping now, but that was accomplished after he climbed out once, then I sternly warned him, put him back in his crib and camped outside of his door. I caught him mid-climb and we had "words". I'm surprised it only took one discipline session. Maybe the desperation in my voice let him know that I meant business.
One thing that makes this feel so strange is that up until last Thursday he was sleeping until at least 8am, often later and taking two hour naps each day. Bed time and nap time were easy times. It's like a switch flipped on Friday, and now the afternoon nap is threatening to join the list of "Cute-Things-Will-Used-To-Do".
This new developmental climb has been joined by some other big things: like three-word sentences and some big words, obsession with tunnels and better independent play. On the up side, he's become a more affectionate boy. He gives me many unbidden, surprise kisses and hugs and has become very snuggly. He has also stepped up his defiance and I often feel like I am blue in the face as he just doesn't listen. Running away from me is a favorite of his. Whether in the parking lot, or in the living room it's a serious offenses. I'd rather teach him to listen in the safe surrounding of the living room than a dangerous parking lot. I will have less time, patience, energy and hands come August and it will be better for everyone's sanity and safety if we work hard on "listen and obey" now.
So back to the crib climbing thing. I've gotten a lot of light-hearted comments that it's time for a big boy bed. But I'm not convinced that's the answer. Firstly, we don't really have the space for that right now. Our first floor tenants are moing out in June and then we'll be able to expand into the middle floor bedrooms as bedrooms rather than livingroom/dining room. (it's a complicated set up) We were planning on keeping Will in the crib until September ish when the baby would need to move out of the cradle, at which point we would move him to a bed in a new room. We don't really have space to store the crib until then, so taking it apart to put a bed in his room isn't an easy option-- plus it's not super easy to assemble. So I'd rather not have to do it again. Then there's the dilemma of teaching him to stay in his bed. If he's not staying in a crib, how will taking away the rails solve the problem?
Sean and I discussed how to teach him not to climb out of the crib. I sometimes feel like I'm disciplinning him all day long. We do spank Will, though limit the "spankable offenses" to a short list of things and I don't really want to keep adding to this list of things - but sometimes it seems like this is the only way he really stops and changes his actions. And Sean raised the good point that climbing out of the crib isn't inherently wrong. I agree. So I hesitate to spank him for it. But it's dangerous. There's a brick chiminey close by where he could hit his head, not to mention landing on his head or other fragile body part. And there's the obedience issue. When I sternly tell him mommy says no, and he does it anyway, that is defiance, and that is one of the things that we have deemed a spankable offense.
If you're still with me after this long, rambling post, I'd love to hear your thoughts or experiences. So maybe you don't agree with spaking, but I'd love to hear if you have ideas about how to approach this situation. I think tomorrow I'll try to post about all the "Cute-Things-Will-Used-To-Do" and compose a list of the great things he's doing now. It's a huge paradox how much I love this kid and how much he exasperates me at the same time.
My Groups
-
Super-Woman Moms Updated: 11 hours ago
-
Gardening lovers unite! Updated: 14 hours ago
-
Pregnancy and Motherhood Updated: Yesterday
Neighborhood
Explore friends, family, friends & family, or entire neighborhood.
Comments
There are "crib tents" that are mesh that go over the top of the crib and keep little climbers inside. I know that Babies R Us has them, as well as Amazon.
I was actually just thinking about this. My little one is now 2 (gah!) and has yet to climb out of his crib. In fact, I told my husband that I don't think there will be any rush to get a big boy bed (and door gates for his room) until he does. It's not that he hasn't tried, mind you. We've lowered the mattress to its lowest setting but when he really wants to get out, he'll try to get a leg over the top in an attempt to scale the railing. Whenever we catch him doing it, we ask him where, exactly, he plans to go, and then he stops, smiles impishly, and announces "Up!" or "Go out!" while pointing at the door. It's been a while, though. I think he finds it is much easier to just call one of us.
As for not always listening to Mommy or Daddy... Every child does this. What we may consider defiance is really just a part of testing boundaries at this age. A child psychologist acquaintance told me early on to take his "No" very seriously. It sounds odd, but the more seriously you take it, the less often they say it. And, on the same token, she also told me not to say "No" very frequently, offering suggestions, instead. So, when we're in the parking lot at daycare, for example, and he drops my hand and starts to take off, I tell him, "Stop!" (which he does) and "Come here and hold Mama's hand, please" (which he also does). We reserve "No!" for more egregious offenses, like pushing or hitting or taking something he's not supposed to have off a table. Amazingly, it actually works. We listen to him when he says "No", and, in turn, he listens to us. (She also told me that he hasn't learned that it's bad to do something unless he cries. That's the sign that he understands he did something he wasn't supposed to do. At that point, you comfort him while repeatedly restating the rule and explaining why the rule exists. So, basically, if he doesn't burst into tears at the sound of "No", the lesson hasn't really sunk in yet because he doesn't take the word seriously.)
It's not to say that my kid listens to me all the time. No, that couldn't be further from the truth. For me, it's a matter of picking my battles and remembering that actual defiance won't kick in for another year or so, when he truly understands right from wrong and the benefits and consequences that result from each.
Personally, I'm not a fan of spanking. My father raised his hand to my sister and me any time we said "no" without regard for age or cognition. I saw him do the same to my nieces when they were toddlers (and stopped him before he could touch them) and vowed to break the cycle. I won't say I'll never spank my child ("never" is, after all, a very long time), but until I'm certain he understands why his actions were wrong (and not just because my husband or I said so), I will probably be sparing the rod. And it's also hard to enforce the rule of "We don't hit people or any other living things" if my actions say otherwise.
I hope you don't take this comment as commentary on your parenting style. As far as I'm concerned, as long as a child is healthy and loved, the parents are doing right by their child. And my circumstances are also different from yours, as I leave him in the care of others and escape the house and Mommyhood for 10 hours a day, five days a week. I have no idea how patient I would really be if I were at home with him every day.
ps - he's sleeping now and no crib-climbing incidents since Monday.
Hooray! Your chat with him on Monday probably did the trick. They really do understand a lot of what we're saying, but they don't often understand a lot of why we want them to do certain things.
Hopefully using "Stop" more frequently than "No" will also help. I start to tune out things I hear all the time, and I imagine toddlers do the same. Plus, it may also be a game for him to run away from you, no matter where you are.