84 posts from 2007

What's the best photo you took this year?  Show and tell!

Iris 2007

Today was unseasonably warm. Almost 60 degrees. Will and I enjoyed our morning walk and at one point I caught a hint of a smell that made me think of spring. It was at that point that I realized with glee that it will soon be time to start my seeds. That means planting time and playing in the mud in the garden time is not too far away. I'm excited! I wonder if Will will toddle about in the yard and let me play in the mud? Maybe he'll join in the fun!

The holidays are just about over and the end of fun is nowhere in sight. My last post was rather grim, I do admit. I've spent a few days soaking in the warmth of family togetherness and Will cuteness. These things are like a very smooth glass of Merlot which slides down the back of your tongue and warms its way into your tummy, causing your arms to feel disconnected from the rest of you and eventually, a relaxed sort of happiness ensues. We had a grand few days with Sean's family - parents, grandparents, brother and, via telephone from Korea, sister. Then we hopped over to my family and spent late nights playing games and laughing at bad quality humor. I so enjoyed being with my sisters and their husbands. Will and his cousin Madison were the center of attention at all the festive gatherings. Their smiles were a source of happiness. Our parents have, once again, outdone themselves with their easy generosity. I pray every day that I will always be thankful and never take them for granted. I pray that we will be able to bless our parents as they have blessed us.

I am happy to report that Will is nursing better. Thank goodness. He still stops and starts continually looking nosily around at all the goings on. Now he is ever-so-close to crawling. And I do mean close. Be watching, dear readers, for a frantic post in the near future pertaining to how unprepared and un-baby-proof our house it. He is sort of crawling, but doesn't realize it. He takes two little crawl steps at a time. Then he goes back to rolling around and covers more ground that way. Gone are the days when I can leave him on the living room floor and run down to the basement to check laundry. He's developed new sound effects and a new, gentle sort of "look at me" whine that is just as pitiful as it is cute.

I look forward to starting an Aqua Babies class with him soon and giving him a chance to really have some fun in the water! There is so much to look forward to as the new year approaches.

Whole volumes could be written about the subject of our self worth and what the magic standard is by which we measure that worth. I'm sure psychologists and sociologists have studied this ad nauseum and conjectured theories about what shapes our concept of self worth and how it changes in our different stages of life.

This morning as I reflected and searched for the source of my doldrums I realized that much of my self worth as a mother is wrapped up in the single act of breastfeeding my son. It is the one thing that most often occupied my dreams when I was pregnant, it was the one thing besides natural childbirth that I was determined to try and to succeed, no matter what the hurdles have been. Today however, I am weary of it all. It seems that there is always an issue that I am dealing with regarding breastfeeding. Will is generally a happy baby, except when it comes to nursing. He gets very impatient when I don't let down quickly enough, and when the flow starts to slow down, he gets fussy and squeals. He was efficient from the beginning, never nursing for more than 5 minutes on a side, but later it turned into two-minute nursing sessions. Zantac and a new strategy of not nursing close to nap and bed time helped that a little. He hasn't fallen asleep nursing since he was a few weeks old and it's always a chore for me to convince him that it's time to nurse.

Now Will is teething. It was pretty much a non-event for the first two weeks. His drool even slowed down and he began spitting up less. But last week he started with a runny nose and cough. We thought it was a cold, but I am sure now that it's related to the teeth, as are his irritability and loose stools. He generally wants to put everything in his mouth which doesn't belong there and the things which do belong, he vehemently pushes away. Breast included. I've resorted to pumping and giving a bottle because, emotionally, I just can't handle him having a tantrum every time I put him on the breast. I am so committed to breast feeding and I guess I feel like it's the center of our connection and bonding in this mother-son relationship. So when he's happy sitting up and looking around and then screams and thrashes and pushes away when I try to recline him towards the breast, it cuts me to the heart. What is a mother to do when she can't provide this basic nourishment for her son?

He's fussy even with the bottle and seems to want to chew on the nipple rather than suck. It makes me nervous that he won't get enough hydration, but he is having enough wet diapers, so on that concern I am comforted for the present. He has been fussy with solids also - so perhaps the teeth are just giving him such discomfort that anything related to the mouth is unpleasant. I've tried Tylenol and Baby Orajel. Our pediatrician says no Motrin until after the first year. We've also tried sucking ice cubes and a cold cloth. No relief.

I miss my happy boy and I just want nursing to be a special time again, rather than a source of tears and my ever-present headache. My girlfriends who explored the mommy territory before me all told me that breastfeeding was challenging, but I wasn't convinced. Women have been doing this for centuries, I thought, how hard can it be? Now I see. Ladies, I need you to tell me that this too shall pass and resolve. Tell me that everything will be ok!

Trainride

Friday Sean took a day off from work and we spent a family day together. We took Will on his second train ride down town to the old John Wanamaker building for the grand light show. Last time he was on the train he sat on Grandma's lap and seemed oblivious to his surrounding, just content to smile at Grandpa and be cute. This time he was very interested in all the action outside the window.

We arrived early enough to grab a spot among eager cross-legged little children on the red carpet next to the famous eagle statue. The light show must be so magical to such young eyes. Julie Andrews narrated a brief summary of traditional Christmas stories such as The Nutcracker, Frosty and Rudolph as the lights twinkled and glittered on the one wall of the 6-story courtyard, and the projection of snowflakes danced along the marble ceiling. Will was briefly mesmerized by the lights, then turned his attention chewing his cowboy toy, alternately peeking at the light action.

Sean and I both visited this light show as children and heard the grand pipe organ play. It's exciting as parents to begin our own familiy traditions with our son.

My childhood memories of Christmas are full of the comfort and warmth of family togetherness around lights and good food. My senses remember Christmas of years past in the scent of evergreen, the feeling of crisp, cold wind on my cheeks, the taste of cinamon buns on Christmas morning, the feel of shiny wrapping paper crinkling under my fingers and the dazzle of lights on the tree. I used to sit with my eyes closed and imagine the glory of the angels shattering the dark peace of the night in the fields as they brought joyful announcement of the arrival of Jesus, savior of the world to the shepherds. I used to listen to the carol "Away In A Manger" and think about that baby in the hay... was it itchy? What does myrrh smell like? Did the baby cry? There was always so much to think about, so much wonder involved in the holiday celebration, so much more than Santa and presents. I hope Will will grow to appreciate Christmas for the depth beyond the commercialism and hype.

Watchlights

Rudolph smiles with Grandma

We celebrated a blessed, healthy, happy, speedy six months on Friday! I now understand the spirit behind the requisite "it goes so fast" comment that is part of every conversation I have with fellow parents. Not only do I feel like Will was just born, I also feel like I just found out I was pregnant. Nausea and nocturnal muscle cramps feel like a vague thorn in my distant past. Maybe I could happily do that again.

But back to Will and his half birthday. He spent the day with Grandma, who came for the day dressed in festive costume. She shared her antlers and Will was happy to model them. He's barefoot and carefree in the picture to the right. Grandma didn't bother to try and keep him "besocked" because he is so proficient at kicking them off. She said he had a good day with relatively less spitting up than his usual volumes. They walked and read books and had a very good day together.

Messy, yummy supper

We finished the day with yummy peas and carrots and applesauce to keep

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The Little Man's latest thing is his sound effect repertoire. His raspberries have softened into trying to blow out through pursed lips - except he doesn't leave a big enough hole, so he has a hard time blowing out the air. He loves to try this when his pacifier is in his mouth and several times today that resulted in the launching of the pacifier clear across the room. He punctuates this routine with humming as he blows. This delightful event serenaded our whole bedtime routine this evening. He has also begun humming through his pacifier when he's sleepy and nuzzling in. Often when I think he's off to sleep on my shoulder I hear him begin to gently hum the single note line.

Will also likes to scrunch up his nose and mouth and breathe quickly in and out through his nose. This scrunching draws his cheeks up into adorable, pinchable little balls. I have been unsuccessful so far at catching this entertainment on film, but I will keep trying because my description of it just doesn't do the hilarity of it justice. He does this usually when eating peas... so I guess the scrunch is sort of an "ewwwww" face, and if anyone does this to him, he will do it back.

Currently he is enthralled with Mabel the cow, his diaper wreath which is decorated with Philles paraphernalia, and his various teething rings. Today he thoroughly enjoyed the ice cube I wrapped in a dish towel for him to chew. The little tough guy is cutting his first tooth. Bottom jaw, just right of center. (I'm sure the dentist has a letter and number for that tooth or something) He's generally been as happy as ever, if not more animated too, although he did wake up very sad from his naps today and I just had to hold and rock him until the tears went away. Then he looked up at me and stroked my face as we rocked and talked. Precious.

Santa

Don't think less of me for giving in to the commercialism of the season. Sean was gone for a few days and I was bored Friday afternoon. So I made some calls and met Kailyn and our Mom and Kai's Mother-in-law at the mall for a visit with Santa. We have a few such pictures from when we were younger, and I thought it would be fun to have this picture with the cousins together. I don't want to miss documenting a single "first". This Christmas will be one of them.

We had fun with the kiddos. Santa's beard is real, and Will decided to take home a souvenir of a few strands of white hair with him. Mr Clause said he didn't mind, but despite his sincerity there were a few tears in his eyes. There were a lot of elementary school aged children there, but not many babies. As you can imagine, these cuties were a hit! 

William will soon be 6 months old. SIX MONTHS! WOW! I periodically look back at all his newborn pictures and sigh. I remember when his knees and elbows were wrinkly because of extra skin and no chub. His ear lobes were flat the day he was born. Sean and I remarked about how much they resembled Sean's lobes. They very quickly curled and now they are more like mine. His hands and feet looked so huge in comparison to his body. Many said of his long fingers: "you'll play the violin!" Now they're smaller (by comparison) and chubbier. He has knuckle dimples. Love the knuckle dimples! He hasn't lost his serious face. One of the nurses in the hospital told him that he was too young to have the cares of the world on his shoulders when he was only a few hours old. He had deep wrinkles that traversed his whole forehead from temple to temple as he surveyed the cold, light world into which he had been born. Now he surveys his world with a scowl that can't hold up against mommy's funny faces. It's not hard to get this child laugh. Lately he is highly amused by my lip-smacking. This morning we laid together on his bedroom floor smacking our lips at each other. Cheap entertainment, and yet, so very priceless. His neck is his ticklish spot, I only have to lightly tap it with my fingers - like I'm typing and he dissolves into hearty, guttural giggles. His changing table is still his favorite spot. If he's crabby, all I have to do is to take him up to change his diaper. He smiles and the arms and legs start flapping - much like a baby penguin. I'm rather worried that he might crack his heals as he lays on the floor and kicks his legs. We have hardwood floors and not much padding under the few area rugs. He lays looking at the ceiling and kicks-kicks-kicks. He never seems bothered too much though.

Sitting up by myself!

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Will is also sitting up now. I won't dare leave him sitting up and walk away because he's still rather wobbly and top heavy. (Sean says "rather?" It is nice now to be able to sit on the floor with him sitting up and read a book together. It frees up my hands to hold things when I don't have to hold him too.

All the developmental charts list "regarding of the hand" as one of the developmental events. I never did see him regard his own hand, as in looking at it. We have noticed him regarding his boyhood with his hands quite a bit. Whenever he is naked his hands go exploring. I don't know if this is a boy thing or a baby thing. It becomes tricky to change a messy diaper and get him clean while keeping his hands away. I wonder if he gets itchy because in the bath he doesn't splash, he just scratches his tummy and groin area to the point where he gets very red. Last night I tried, with partial success, to distract those busy hands with a rubber duck. Maybe I make his diaper too tight so his waist area gets itchy? I don't know. But Sean always reassures him that he's still a boy and his parts will still be there in the morning.

This week naps are going much more easily and have been more regular. Bed time has been a breeze. Hopefully I'm not jinxing myself. He likes rice cereal, bananas and pears. We tried avocado and much retching and spitting ensued. He's still uncertain about peas. As long as they're warm he isn't bothered too much by them. Despite the promises that once solids start the spitting up will decrease, he still seems to loose entire meals all over me. He doesn't like nursing much these days. I'm hoping that's just a phase.

He's beginning to notice our dog. He looks at Libby and smiles. Last week he got a handful of hair and yanked. The good news is that he still has his hand. The bad news is that she quickly turned around with teeth barred - but when she realized it was him, she only "gummed" his hand. If it had been Sean or me, she might not have let us off so easily.